Just another day...

thursday... again...

now im panicking for another reason: 2 weeks from now.. at this time.. i'd have finished my chem FINALS paper and be cramming for bio (on friday)! *dread* 50% finals are so scary.. never had to face this problem in high school.. and those are 100% finals.. but then i guess you know your school teacher mean as she/he is wont try to just *murder* you with one paper..

sigh.. my problem now... no mood to study.. THAT's the real problem.. if i was studying i wont care if finals was 2 weeks away.. no wait.. i mean of coz i'd care.. but at least i wont be feeling sooo ... bad? haiiii......

what's wrong with me? i dunno.. but i do know im getting lazier by the day.. and weirder a lil...

looked over the courses i need to take next yr and the yr after for toxicology.. its horrible... just realized that i'll need to take quite a few real lab courses... including one full yr lab based research project.. ugh! guess this is one big reason why im in no mood to study at all now.. (and of coz plus the fact its thursday)

am thinking about switching programs.. but nutritional science is only offered as a major not specialist.. AND statistics seems to be a requirement for nutrition... so on one side i have labs, labs and more labs (which really isnt that bad... except for the reports, reports and MORE reports!) or i have statistics plus a headache trying to figure another major so that i can graduate...

really should be worrying about this AFTER the finals.. but being me... the worrier..... i have no choice... hai....

the fact that im not panicking yet... is starting to cause me to panic....

and so i've decided to stick to my original topic... well the weather helped and other factors helped.. it was raining yesterday... and the library which might contain some useful info wasnt open.. so i continued to dig into the cromwell books.. and articles...

to distract myself (or more like coz i was too restless to read), i've decided to make food... now my fridge is stocked up with cooked food... bt i cant really stand the thought of not cooking for the next 2 days.. yes only two.. coz by tuesday my essay should technically be handed in..

its sunday afternoon already.. and im still researching for my essay... how do you write a 1500 words essay out of 6 sentences? im about to find out..

my idea of trying to romance history til it falls for me doesnt seem to be working too well.. for one.. hard as i try i cant seem to pay attention long enough to it.. ADD? hmm.. i think i have recurring, selective, short term ADD... if it doesnt exist yet.. i'll volunteer to be studied! it happens everytime before a big dateline/exam/test/etc... sigh...

well back to history again... this must be what ppl mean by you cant force someone (something in this case) to fall for you.. either it is or it isnt..

dilemma: i cant find enough point in my reading so far to support my essay... should i change my essay topic? its already friday night.. if i start my research all over.. i have about 1 day to find AND read through the books and journals before i start on the writing... hmm... what should i do?

its thursday again!! what a week... exhausting...

went out to high park on sunday with bertina and py... was supposed to take some pictures of flaming red trees... bt unfortunately the crazy weather this year has caused most of the leaves to drop by the time i got there :p gotta make it there earlier next year... bt did take some pics... not too bad :)

we ended up on the 'wrong side' of high park.. so gotta walk allllll the way back up to the keele subway station though we got off at the high park one.. then went to 'no frills' to get some stuff.. then had dinner... my first KFC meal in canada. lol

good news: i finally got a new pillow... bad news: its too high... but i use it anyway...

been trying to do my history reading this week... moving wayyyy too slowly... 2 books so far.. well maybe 3 since one of the books i borrowed contains an article from the required reading i did for tutorial a few weeks back...

wednesday wasnt a good day... i came up with a new hypothesis for the reason why i tend to feel 'happy' or somewhat happier (compared to before) after labs... its very much based on the saying when you're soooo low, up is the only way to go... i sink into 'depression' the moment i start doing my prelab until the moment of my lab.. then i hit my lowest point... coz lab is the time when i feel dumbest (bio dry labs are the worst!!) so after lab.. i can only feel happier... think its pretty dumb it took me so long to figure this out.. considering i've been doing lab for quite some time now... sigh..

i have too much to do.. and too little time.. just realise finals are less than 1 month away.. its so scary... so much to catch up... been slacking too much... now gotta do my history essay first.. 25% in my hands... to be done by tuesday.. and i dont even have a rough idea of what im going to write...

too distracted... by nothing... or everything... im letting myself get lazier by the day... sigh... i really want to do well but that wont happen if i dont put in some effort.. but i cant seem to get myself to work as well as i'd like... argh!! *frus*

girls night out! :) admittedly only 3 of us.. but hey i had fun..

had been craving pad thai since... i dont remember when.. went to 'young thailand' on john street... not the best thai food i've had.. and for the first time in toronto i can actually complain about the food portion being small!! from me?!! gosh..

well after that we went over to paramount since it was just down the street... and what a suprise we saw kitiya, ryan, phil, steph and mike there.. they just watched the new 'bridget jones diary'.. said it was recommended... but the next screening time wasnt until another 40 mins or so.. was contemplating whether we should watch something else or just go back.. ended up watching 'after the sunset'.. the movie was actually more comedy than action... pretty entertaining..

next show i really wanna watch : national treasure... i hope its as good as they make it out to be.. then there're a few others.. but will prolly have to wait til after finals for those.. hai...

i just realise this is like one of the rare friday night(s) this year that i actually went out in the evening.. soooo different from last sem.. when its the other way around.. where its rarer than rare to find myself IN on a friday night... sigh.. good old days...

oh well.. am intending to make something sweet tmr.. hope it turns out alright.. *fingers crossed* :)

its thursday once more.. just realise how quickly time passes by when you're living by the week (ie neglecting everything else while trying to make the dateline for assignments/tests for the week :p)

went to robarts yesterday to look for sources for my upcoming history paper.. was shocked at first cause i couldnt find the books!! it didnt help that someone did tell me books will start running out around the beginning of november when everyone starts writing..lol panic attack.. finally walked a lil futher down the scary aisles on the 10th floor of robarts.. and ta da! i found it.. or should i say them! ended up borrowing 9 books.. i think its the max amount i've ever borrowed at once in my life!

tried to get rowen on the phone just now.. ended up wasting 5 bucks listening to the 'through ring' tone.. i wonder if the phone card lady cheated me.. 5 bucks for 12 mins?! that's such a rip off! but anyway.. i guess the good thing is i know she's not cooped up in her room on her b'day... hopefully out having fun somewhere.. and pray not studying in some library...

bishop's finally done with his part of lecturing biochem.. thankfully! i keep zoning out on him.. now i've just gotta hope this zoning out business over the past few weeks have not developed into some kinda bad habit.

getting chem marks next week.. scholes announced it in class.. well the test was a disaster.. and he actually 'made fun of us' (regarding the test) a few times in class... bleh.. but i guess all things considered... i do actually enjoy going to his lectures.. well there's his australian accent... the way he pronounces it 'asHumes' instead of assumes even though he tried repronouncing time and again... lol his thoughtfulness (he actually takes into account that some students write slow.. i dont see many of those profs around).. his sense of humour.. and his 'style' i guess :p i mean he actually looks chic (often!).. even when he's sloppy.. (he ALWAYS has one side of his shirt un-tucked...) and of coz his disorganization/illogical comments.. (yes its a killer when im trying to revise and understand his notes) but hey how can you not love a prof who goes.. .."as you can see, we won't be doing all of the chapter (16) [pause] we will be doing almost all of chapter 16" or "you can check your marks outside lash miller room [pause] whatever it is" when he has all the above traits? lol bt i may be singing his praises too soon.. since technically he can screw us over in the finals that's worth up to 50%...

oh well.. im just crapping alot tonight cause i took a nap just now.. and after dinner (at abt 10) im feeling very energetic.. bt not up to reading history... sigh.. i guess i should get started on one of those 9 books.. afterall i do have less than 2 weeks til the dateline.. by really its one thing to know what you should do.. and quite another to actually do it :p

finally i finished my nfs assignment... i have the imposed one page limit per question to thank...

i think my hormones are imbalanced and i might have some issues with expressing my feelings... was very frustrated, stressed and very emotional earlier today.. had really really wanted to cry.. i believe that crying is a good way of releasing all the emotions bottled up inside.. but i couldnt cry.. and that made things even worse coz i badly wanted to... (now i cant seem to remember the last time i actually cried.. hmm...)

it seems that food does help... im suprised honestly.. but it helped and that was good... phil came over in the afternoon and we did some chem revision together... and boy was i unprepared for the test... there was absolutely NOT enough time to complete the test.. i dont even know how many questions i left unanswered when i handed in the paper... it was really bad :(

was feeling extremely horrible after the test so i decided to go to dominions even though it was sooo cold today.. just wanted to take a walk and not go home straight.. it's started to 'snow' today.. flurries.. managed to find something i could use for my nfs assignment and bought a couple more stuff from dominions..

had a light dinner and was chatting with some friends.. and i felt better after a while.. realised how much i've changed... i used to get very upset when i do badly in a test.. and it usually takes very long before i feel ok again.. but nowadays.. i actually get over it comparatively fast... still debating if this is a good thing.. on one hand it could mean im growing up and learning to accept and let things go.. on the other hand it could also mean i no longer care so much about my academic results (and this i truly hope is not the case..)

its good to be able to talk to people.. actually really really wanted to talk to yang... bt she didnt come online.. neither did tk.. he's prolly busy preparing for his finals.. bt im glad im blessed with friends who are there for me :)

looking forward to the joyride i managed to 'negotiate' :p will have to wait another year maybe? lol.. wonder if i'll even remember by then.. but oh well.. at least i'll keep me happy for now.. i love joyrides.. it can be real fun just sitting in the car with another friend behind the wheel (i never drive :p) going wherever... i consider it good bonding time :) reminds me of hafiezy actually.. haha.. always end up taking unplanned joyrides (read: getting lost) everytime he drives me somewhere.. lol.. but hey no complains.. he was good company and it was fun :D

gosh i just read a nerdy joke..

x and e^x are walking down the street one day, having a good time and minding their own business... suddenly, the notorious tough-guy, derivative, walks out from an alleyway and x freezes... e^x asks him why he stopped and x points out that derivative is just up ahead... "if he sees us, he's going to turn me into a constant! a constant!" e^x replies "oh don't worry, i'm e^x, he can't do ANYTHING to me! i'll just go talk to him..." so e^x walks up to derivative and says "look, you think you're all tough, but i'm e^x, so you cant do ANYTHING to me... how about you just let me and my friend pass by and there wont be any trouble..." derivative just looks at e^x and replies "i can't do anything to you, eh? no trouble, eh? do you know who i am?" e^x, confused, responds "yeah, you're derivative... but i'm e^x, and no matter what you try to do to me, i'll still be e^x"... derivative just laughs, looks at e^x, and responds "i'm d/dy, bitch!

and i didnt quite get it until someone highlighted the 'd/dy'.. haha.. goes to show how crappy i am at calc... or how dysfuctional my brain is :p

its thursday again... this hasnt been the best week of my life... lousy sleep all week.. i wake up every morning more tired than before i went to bed... (maybe coz i keep waking up in the middle of the night.. dunno whats wrong with me) so today (end of the week by my definition) i collapsed... sort of.. i was THIS close to falling asleep in chem just now.. which is bad considering i have a test on monday and he was sort of reviewing for the test...

bt i dunno whats wrong with me.. when i got back it took so long for me to actually fall asleep.. and i woke up at 7.30!! im supposed to sleep... and recharge.. not take a nap.. which didnt even really help... hai..

this past week:

got my bio writing assignment back.. absolutely crappy... i barely scrapped through with a pass.. bt i guess i kinda expected this... just about gave up on it... have to harder on that second writing assignment..

also got my history midterm back.. it wasnt bad i supposed.. bt definitely not what i wanted.. and today i kinda embarrassed myself in history tutorial.. one of those stupid moments of my life where i wished i had shut up instead of opening my mouth.. oh well i guess next time i should keep quiet.. and try to 'look smart' lol ..

i guess the highlight of the week was that i revamped my room.. sort of.. now im 'bed-ridden'.. lol .. coz my bed stretches from the wall to the my table.. so i sit on my bed even when im working.. dunno how long this will last.. been wondering if its connected to my lack of good sleep? i did only changed it since last weekend... hmm...

oh which reminds me... we turned the clock back last weekend.. earned an extra hour.. wasted alot more... kept thinking im earning an extra hour so i can spent more time doing unproductive things..

next week doesnt seems too promising.. chem test on monday (havent started) and nutrition assignment due the next day.. which i also havent started on.. and then after those i really have to start on my history paper.. havent done any research yet.. and have only decided to do the topic on oliver cromwell.. bt even that is not confirmed.. i guess i'll just keep my options open until next week.. see if she touches any other better topics...

need good sleep and i need it now.. also need to start working... falling behind on just about every subject now.. not looking forward to finals one bit...

the up side of this week.. had nice chats with kx, diana and karen... been quite a while since i last talked to them.. both diana and karen let on that they might be coming to toronto!! woo! :) really hope that happens.. at least now there IS something i can look forward to...